Diary (2013.1.22, India)

2012.1.22. Tue.

 

Today I heard two bad sentences. Firstly, when Melina, Dana, Rachel and I started to go to Easyday, we were hesitating about taking a rickshaw. In front of Mangrove we met a few drivers and started to bargain. One of them asked for Rs.50 but we stuck to Rs.30 because we thought that the distance from Mangrove to the last signal before Easyday was very short. But he didn’t accept our condition because we were 4 people. At that time Dana told one man that she was tiny so allow us. But he answered back, “But you are big!”

 

I was shocked and I didn’t say any words. The other girls were upset and passed by him without saying. When I say that I’m fat and I must lose my weight, most of the people close to me answer that I’m not and I don’t have to do that.

 

But like today, I was attacked suddenly and those words shook my whole self-esteem that I have built up with difficulty.

 

I told Dennis when I arrived at my room. He just laughed and told me to ignore what other people say who are not related to me. I know that it is waste of emotion. But it always gets under my skin.

 

The second thing was a silly situation. I was sick so my face looked unhappy maybe. So a person told me “Cheer up.” At that time, I answered “Thank you.” But the next words were “You are as good as the other students of level 3. Don’t feel you are falling behind.” I was surprised because I have never said this to the person. Surely I might think that and actually I might fall behind but I didn’t want to hear it like that. I really wanted to be consoled by someone who understood all my feelings about me. That’s all.